How does “Mother’s Day” stack up to real motherhood? Not well

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Julia Roberts, left, and Jennifer Aniston in a scene from "Mother's Day." (Ron Batzdorff /Open Road Films)

Last night I took a fellow mom to see “Mother’s Day,” the Garry Marshall-directed film starring Julia Roberts, Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Sarah Chalke and Jason Sudeikis. You’ll have to wait until Friday to read my review in Austin360.

 Julia Roberts, left, and Jennifer Aniston in a scene from "Mother's Day." (Ron Batzdorff /Open Road Films)

Julia Roberts, left, and Jennifer Aniston in a scene from “Mother’s Day.” (Ron Batzdorff /Open Road Films)

Here are some scenes in the movie that would never happen to moms in real life:

Two moms at a park having a meaningful conversation while their children play.

Children taking a nap with no fuss, also at said park.

Moms  who have time to go running or take a yoga class.

Moms who are perfectly put-together even after going running or to a yoga class.

Children who go to school, yet never seem to have any homework.

Children who are not constantly interrupting their parents or screaming at any given moment.

Parents who talk to at least one child regularly, yet have no idea that their daughters are married and have children.

The siblings who get along all the time and look after one another.

The children who get up early and make pancakes for their mother, and she’s not concerned that they used the stove or the state of her kitchen.

A trip to the grocery store that doesn’t involve children, but does include a cart that isn’t completely full. Who goes to the store and only buys three items?

The homes that are perfectly clean and don’t involve moms hunting for lost shoes, homework or that permission slip you needed.

Mom mobiles that don’t have layers of Cheerios, fries, gum and sticky liquids.

A father giving his baby to another man who is a complete stranger.

The moms who never seem to have to work, yet have cars and clothes and homes.

Julia Roberts’ wig. (What is that?)

Yet, for all of that make believe, here are some scenes that have happened to us or will soon happen to us:

The mom running after the daughter’s bus to give her her lunch.

The dad uncomfortably having to buy tampons for his teenage daughter.

Pets that you get talked into that go horribly wrong, in this case the ant farm that is now sans ants.

The dad losing it at a referee call at his daughter’s soccer game.

The dad watching through the window as his daughter comes home from a date, yet playing it cool like he never did that.

The mom having an argument loudly with herself.

The mom who is late to a meeting and is running full tilt to get to that meeting.

The mom who finds herself realizing that her bra is inside out and her shirt has a huge gash in it.


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